The Shadow of Love
by crazeblue27
Summary: When you love someone, unconsciously he/she affects you emotionally. You fear losing him/her.When there's light, there's shadow, when there's love, there's fear. It was no exception for Irie Naoki.
1. His Fear

**The Shadow of Love **

_Disclaimer: The characters here belonged to the author, Toda Kaoru. The fanfic here is purely fictional and is from my own imagination. _

This is the second one-shot fic I'm writing for itakiss. =)) Well, it was still more about Naoki. I just love to explore his feelings. As usual, a mixture of anime & manga. For standardization sake, I refer to terms like father, mother in English instead of Japanese but I will maintain the suffix.

Summary:

If the opposite of love is hate, then I would say the shadow of love is fear. When you love someone, unconsciously the person affects you emotionally. Because of love, you might become jealous, possessive and protective. On the other hand, you take note of his/her likes, dislikes, hope to make them happy etc. This is because you fear losing the one you love. Just like how when there's light, there's shadow, when there's love, there's fear. It was no exception for the genius, Irie Naoki.

To avoid confusion:

Kotomi will call Naoki and Kotoko 'Daddy' and 'Mummy' instead of Papa and Mama as in the anime

Papa = Naoki's father

Mama = Naoki's mother

If you want to have more details on the manga, if you don't mind it is in summaries form, you can go to this website: /itazuranakiss

Lastly, enjoy reading! =))

* * *

Naoki had never experienced such fear in his life before as he saw Kotoko lying on the bed as she was pushed out of the operation theatre. He ran towards her and called out to her loudly, "Kotoko!"

"How is my wife?" Naoki asked anxiously at the surgeon who just came out.

The surgeon removed his mask and answered patiently, "Her life is in no danger. Fortunately, the bullet did not hit her heart and we have safely removed it out. She should wake up by tomorrow morning when the anesthetic had worn off."

Naoki heaved a sigh of relief.

At the ward, Naoki watched Kotoko sleeping peacefully on the bed, as if nothing had happened If only he could feel that way, Naoki thought silently. He could still remember clearly this morning how she excitedly saying she was going out to buy something. Then in the afternoon, while he was doing his consultation, he received a phone call from the police. It was amazing how an ordinary day turned out to be one of his most shocking experiences in just a few hours.

His life had changed drastically since she lived with him due to the collapse of her house due to a very minor earthquake. He found his ambition i.e. to be a good doctor, did things he never would have done, for example tutoring her and her classmates, experienced emotions he never thought such as frustration, helplessness, the ridiculous jealousy and also the least expected – love.

Along with love, there was also fear, which he wished he never had to go through.

The fear of losing her.

The fear of her leaving him.

The fear that he woke up every morning without her beside him.

The first time he experienced it was during her birthday celebration when he waited for her at the hotel and she came back with a haggard look, hair in disarray and blood stains on her dress. At that moment, he felt his blood froze as he thought it was hers. It was only when he hugged her, felt her warmth and breathing that his heart was assured.

The second time was when she was pregnant and fainted on the way home. He blamed himself for not noticing her condition earlier as he was busied with the thesis. He admitted he neglected her and failed as a husband.

And this time, when she was going for shopping.

"How many more heart attacks are you giving me?" Naoki mumbled as he brushed her cheeks with his thumb gently. "Why do you always manage to get into trouble when I'm not around?"

Just then, the door was slammed open.

"How's Kotoko?" His mother was the first to speak with Kotomi in her arms.

"Is she fine?" His father was calmer.

"What happen?" Kotoko's father asked.

Naoki took over Kotomi from his mother before he answered their question. "She just finished her operation. The doctor took out the bullet and now she is fine. Now she is resting and will wake up by tomorrow morning."

They sighed with relief.

"We almost got a heart attack when we receive your call," Mama said.

"You scare us," Papa added.

"Fortunately she is fine now," Kotoko's father concluded.

Meanwhile Kotomi woke up from her slumber during the journey and wanted to come down. Naoki put her down.

"How does this happen?" Kotoko's father asked, concerned.

"I'm not so sure myself, I heard it from one of the witness at the scene. There was a robbery case and the armed robbers ran out of the shop and in order to escape from the guards, they shoot randomly and one of the bullets hit Kotoko," Naoki explained.

"Why is Kotomi here? Shouldn't she be asleep?"

"She has been calling for Kotoko since dinner," Kotoko's father replied helplessly.

While the adults were talking, Kotomi was looking at her mother with curiosity. She stepped forward, tiptoeing trying to see her mother. "Mummy," she called and waited.

No response.

"Mummy," she called again.

Kotomi tried to reach for Kotoko but the bed was too tall for her. So she asked, "Daddy, why is Mummy not waking up?"

Naoki looked at his daughter and patted on her head gently, smiling. "Mummy is sleeping, be a good girl and don't disturb her, okay?"

Kotomi nodded obediently but another matter was troubling her. "Then why Mummy doesn't sleep at home?" she asked, confused. Everyday Mummy sleeps at home.

"Mummy is injured, so she must stay here for a few days. After that, she will go home," he answered patiently.

"See Mummy," Kotomi spoke as she raised her arms up. Naoki smiled lovingly and carried her up and walked towards the bed. Kotomi looked at her mother sleeping form and for some reason she wants to sleep beside her.

So she requested, "I want to sleep with Mummy."

Naoki said firmly, "Kotomi, be obedient. You can't until Mummy goes back home. Go home with Grandma first and tomorrow you will see Mummy again."

Kotomi shook her head. "I want Mummy."

"Kotomi, how about Grandma sleeps with you?" Mama suggested kindly. "I'll tell you bedtime story too."

Kotomi looked at her father hopefully. Much to her disappointment, Naoki said, "Listen to Grandma. Tomorrow you can come here."

And then Naoki put her down and passed to his mother. Kotomi obediently held her hands while mumbling sadly, "I still prefer to sleep with Mummy."

"Dad, Mum, Father, you all can go home and have a rest first. I'll be here, so no worries," Naoki assured.

"Take care Naoki," his father patted on his shoulder.

"I'll bring some healthy, nutritious food tomorrow," his mother promised.

"You need to have a rest too, don't force yourself," Kotoko's father patted on his shoulder too.

"I will." Naoki walked them to the door and see them off.

"What shall I do with you Kotoko?" Naoki sighed as he looked at her sleeping form.

He thought that ever since she stayed in his house, nothing could faze him anymore since she already messed up his life as bad as it could be. All the things he never experienced before the collapse of her house, the emotions ups and downs and the countless headaches he went through thanks to his mother and her.

Once again, she managed to make him feel so helpless and powerless.

* * *

It was morning. The sun rises and its ray shone through the window panels and onto Kotoko. Kotoko stirred lightly and slowly, she opened her eyes and squinted at the sun rays.

The first question in her mind was where is she?

She titled to the right and saw Naoki sitting beside her. "Irie-kun," she whispered, smiling. Then she tried to sit up but the pain forced her to lean back.

"Be careful, you just underwent an operation," he chided. Realising his tone was a bit harsh, he asked in a softer tone, concerned, "Are you feeling all right?"

She nodded and looked around her surrounding. "Seems like now is my turn to be hospitalized," Kotoko remarked ironically.

"Well, at least now I will understand how a patient feels like," Kotoko joked. "Never imagine there is a day I will end up as a patient."

Kotoko looked at Naoki. He was silent all these while. "Irie-kun?"

Just then, the door was slammed open. It was Papa, Mama, Kotoko's father and Kotomi.

"Kotomi," Kotoko called out happily.

Kotomi ran towards her mother. "Mummy, you woke up."

Kotoko smiled and patted on Kotomi head tenderly.

"Kotoko-chan." Mama hugged her tightly. "So glad that you are fine."

Kotoko smiled and hugged back. "Thanks, I'm fine now Mum."

Then, she saw her father standing there, relieved to see her safe. "Pa, sorry for making you worry," Kotoko apologized ruefully.

"How can you be so careless?" Kotoko's father chided lightly but glad she was safe. "Here is some nutritious food to aid you in your recovery,"

"Thanks Pa," Kotoko grinned.

"Hug, hug," Kotomi pleaded. Mama carried her and placed her beside Kotoko. Kotomi snuggled against Kotoko, glad to be in her mother embrace. Kotoko cuddled her too, glad to see her daughter again. Being a child, Kotomi could not stay still and so she wiggled around like she always do and it accidentally touch the scar, causing a sharp pain. Kotoko bit her lips, trying to suppress her pain and stopped Kotomi from moving around.

Naoki saw it and thus he carried Kotomi and put her on the floor. Kotomi lifted her head up. "Daddy?"

"Mummy need rest, so be a good girl and stay here okay?"

Although confused, Kotomi nodded.

Kotoko was busied with answering questions, listening to the various tonics Mama and her father prepared for her and Kotomi telling her about this new boy she likes that she did not notice Naoki left the room quietly.

* * *

Naoki went to the vending machine and got a cup of coffee, leaning against the wall deep in thoughts. He slipped his right hand into his pocket and took out a tie stained with blood that he received from a nurse yesterday. Without a doubt, it was Kotoko's blood.

Even after knowing she was all right, the sight of it still managed to make his blood turned cold. Naoki sipped his coffee and sighed as he rested his head against the wall.

When Naoki returned, everyone had already left, leaving Kotoko alone eating. Kotoko lifted her head up at the sound of the door closing.

"Irie-kun," she greeted with a bright smile.

Naoki took the chair and sat beside her.

"Dad and Mum had returned home with Kotomi. Yuki and Konomi will be coming over after school," Kotoko explained. Naoki acknowledged with a nod of his head.

Silence.

"Want some?" Kotoko offered, sharing with him the fried udon that Mummy had brought.

"No."

Kotoko continued munching on her food but the silence was too deafening. To lighten up, Kotoko said light-heartedly, "Previously, I caused you to be hospitalized and now, it is my turn to end up in the hospital."

It happened during the period when he was busy with those long operations and to be a good wife, she decided to cook some nutritious food for him and brought it to the hospital. After searching for him around the hospital, when she finally found him, she was so excited that she ran down the stairs and missed a step. He caught her but due to fatigue, he had no energy and fell along with her, resulting his leg to be in cast and hospitalized for a few days.

"How ironic, don't you think? I'm always taking care of patients and now it is my turn to be taken care of. Now I understand what those patients go through. This accident doesn't seem to be that bad, at least I will understand my patients better."

Naoki remained expressionless and looked at her intensely. Kotoko lowered her head, knowing she failed. The atmosphere around them grew thicker and more suffocating.

After a few minutes, unable to take it anymore, Kotoko gave in. "Irie- Kun, Sorry," Kotoko apologized ruefully. "Sorry for making you worry."

She knew he was angry, which was why she tried to lighten up the atmosphere but failed miserably. It seemed to make him angrier.

"Don't you think before you do anything?" Naoki finally shouted. He could no longer hold his cool. Kotoko always had a flair for making him lose control. "Don't you know how to avoid the bullet? You are already an adult, a mother!"

Kotoko remained silent. She knew it was her fault, moreover, she would never tell him she did it to save a child from being shot by the bullet, despite knowing she would get shot. She was even more firm on keeping that a secret when Naoki surprised her by showing her the tie stained with blood.

Kotoko held the tie tightly. That was her present to him for their wedding anniversary. She was shopping around, thinking what to get for him as a surprise and then finally came across this tie she felt would suit him well. She bought it and decided to shop around to get some toys or clothes for Kotomi and happened to be in the scene when the robbery took place. She thought she lost it during the incident, maybe it dropped while she was unconscious. However, now she wished she really lost it.

Kotoko smiled sheepishly. "Actually it is meant to be a wedding anniversary present for you. I wanted to give you a surprise but I guess you got a shock instead." For the first time, Naoki agreed with her, albeit silently.

Though he never said it out, he must be shocked when he received the news. "Looks like I have to buy a new one," Kotoko added, her tone purposefully light. "Since you already know, it can't be a surprise anymore. So to make my life easier, do you have any preferences? Such as colour, design or brand?"

Naoki did not replied instead he took out the newspaper he bought and sat at the chair beside her. Kotoko looked at him confused, "Irie-kun, don't you have any duty today?"

"I asked for a few days of leave," he replied coldly and read the newspaper.

It took Kotoko a few seconds to digest his words. She would be shouting with joy, dancing happily if she did not end up in a hospital and trying to lighten up the deafening atmosphere.

Giving up is not her at all, so she attempted another try. "Irie-kun, do you want to go home and have a rest first? There are nurses here and Yuuki and Konomi will be coming over in the afternoon." She heard from Mummy that Naoki had been staying here since last night and she believed he must be tired and need some rest.

Once again, that intense gaze that made Kotoko squirmed uncomfortably.

"Not necessary," he answered a few seconds later and continued reading the newspaper. Being a doctor, there were days when he did the night shift, go through hours of operations, so staying overnight is nothing.

Kotoko decided to take the magazine nearby and read. An hour later, the doctor and nurse comes in.

"It's just a routine check-up, Madam," the doctor smiled kindly. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thanks," Kotoko answered, smiling.

The doctor did some basic physical check and measured her heart rate, blood pressure and then scribbled some words in his report. The nurse beside him changed her IV drip, much to Kotoko's despair.

Kotoko could not help but feel funny as she experienced all those that she been doing and see those patients go through for years. Now it was her turn to feel what they went through. As for Naoki, he asked the doctor some very technical questions and Kotoko's health.

"You will stay here for a few days under observation and if everything is fine, we can discharge you," the doctor concluded happily.

"Thanks," Kotoko said.

"Take care," and the doctor and nurse left the room.

* * *

In the afternoon, Zinko and Satomi came over for a visit. They chatted for about an hour plus as Zinko got to leave for a date and Satomi had to go get some groceries. Yuuki and Konomi arrived in the late afternoon and they brought Kotoko out to the garden as she wanted some fresh air after lying on the bed for hours.

Then her father came, along with Kinnosuke and Christine.

"Kotoko-chan, are you all right?" Kinnosuke exclaimed as he ran towards her and hugged her tightly.

Kotoko smiled, never know it feels so good to hear his lively voice again. "Thanks Kin-chan, I'm fine."

"You give us a fright when we heard your father tell us about it," Christine added, much calmer compared to Kinnosuke.

"It was an accident, but now everything is all right," Kotoko answered, grinning.

"Here's some tonic soup that helps in your recovery, must finish it," Kotoko's father passed her the flask.

"Thanks Pa, I will."

"Kotoko-chan, you must finish it. Your dad and I make it for hours," Kinnosuke added.

"Thanks Kin-chan, I will."

Christine, Kinnosuke and Kotoko chatted happily as Kotoko told them about how she feels about being a patient and then they talked to her about the happenings at the restaurant.

"So what did the doctor say?" Kotoko's father asked Naoki.

Naoki explained to him in simpler terms and assured him that Kotoko is fine without any side effects.

"I'm going to get some coffee, you want any?" Naoki asked politely.

"Sure."

Naoki closed the door silently, not wanting to interrupt her conversation. Kotoko's father saw her talking so energetically and assured, he left the room too.

* * *

Naoki sat down at the chair near the vending machine. From his observation for the whole day, he could safely conclude Kotoko is all right.

"You must be really worried huh?" A voice spoke from behind.

Naoki turned around, surprised to see Kotoko's father standing there, holding two cups of hot coffee. He took a seat beside Naoki and gave him the other cup.

"Although you tried to hide it, I can feel it," Kotoko's father said gently. "I can understand."

Naoki sipped the coffee quietly.

Minutes passed by without anyone talking.

Naoki broke the silence. "How do you feel when Kotoko's mother passed away?"

Kotoko's father paused for a moment and then throw away the empty cup and bought another before he spoke, the sadness evident in his tone as he reminisced those days. "For a period of time I'm unable to accept it but I know that I must stay strong because Kotoko is still young, she needs her father. I guess it is fortunate that I have Kotoko with me, if not I'm not sure when I can move on. In the beginning, it is tough as I have to juggle between the restaurant and taking care of her."

"But slowly, I start adapting quite well although she turned out to be quite a klutz, just like her mother." He added, slightly embarrassed.

Naoki listened attentively as Kotoko's father talked.

"Though she passed away for years, in my heart, she is still alive. The memories we had will never disappear. I did share with Kotoko about her mother, as I'm afraid she did not remember her mother very well since she passed away when Kotoko was very young. Every year, during her death anniversary, as you know and visited when you are still studying, we go back to her birthplace and sweep her tomb and also tell her about our life. I guess that's why I never remarry. To me, there is only one woman I love and she is irreplaceable."

"In the beginning, Kotoko did ask about her mother but as years passed, she started to accept it too. Luckily, she did not insist on having a new mother." Kotoko's father chuckled.

"Maybe like you, to her there is only one mother," Naoki remarked softly.

"Yes I believe so too," Kotoko's father agreed. "Well, the good news is at least Kotoko is well and sound, it must be tough on you." He patted on Naoki's back comfortingly. "I'm really glad Kotoko is alive too. I wouldn't want to experience losing another of my loved ones," Kotoko's father confessed awkwardly.

Taking one last gulp of the coffee, he proclaimed, his tone more cheered up. "Time to be back before she starts wondering where we go."

Naoki threw away the empty cup into the dustbin and followed him.

"Pa, Irie-kun, where did you all go?" Kotoko asked when they returned. Kinnosuke and Christine had returned home and while waiting, she was munching the apple from the fruit basket Satomi and Zinko brought.

"Just some coffee and guys' talk," Kotoko's father answered, smiling. Kotoko raised her eyebrow doubtfully. "Not talking anything bad about me right?"

"What else is there to talk about? We all know how bad you can be."

"Pa!"

Kotoko's father laughed. "Have you finished your soup?"

Kotoko nodded, "Of course, I must. It is Kin-chan and your effort."

"Naoki, you can go back and have a rest, I can take care of her from here," Kotoko's father said.

"Pa, both of you can go back, I'm already all right, in no danger, both of you should go home and rest. Irie-kun, you have been here since last night. Pa you need to open your shop tomorrow. There are nurses and doctors here, don't have to worry about me at all," Kotoko said firmly.

"Take care," Kotoko's father said.

"I will."

Naoki looked at her intensely for a few seconds before he walked away.

"Bye," Kotoko said softly, not expecting any reply. She had gotten used to his coldness and lack of expression. The fact that he stayed overnight already made her very happy and touched. She knew he loves her and cares for her. It was enough to make her smile in her sleep.

* * *

For the first time since their marriage, he slept on the bed without her beside him. Despite his odd hours as a doctor, at least when he comes back, he will see her on the bed sleeping. It has been such a long time since he felt such coldness and loneliness.

Naoki lied down on the bed, wide-awake and reflected back on the conversation he had with Kotoko's father. He hated himself for his helplessness, powerless and that uncontrollable fear but now he felt much better after knowing it was normal and acceptable to feel that way. Naoki expected this to be another sleepless night, reminding him of the cold war he had with Kotoko. It was during that period when the sight of Kotoko and Kamagori getting along so well irked him to the core, not knowing what it was called until Kinnosuke, similar to Kotoko whose actions were run by emotions, pointed it out to him.

Why does Kotoko always manage to shake him so badly? Why everything can go so wrong when it comes to her? She never failed to give him surprises.

Due to his intelligence, he never thinks there is anything beyond his control. He could practically do anything effortlessly, whether it was sports, arts or academics. As years passed, life had been smooth for him, too smooth in fact, everything easily achievable that he started to become bored and nonchalant. However, since Kotoko's arrival, his world started turning upside down. He experienced emotions he never had. He was unable to accept it at first. He hated it. So he teased her, bullied her, hurt her but she always manage to stand up. He started to wonder what was the driving force behind it. For example, despite knowing she could not make it into university, why does she still want to go? Would it not be easier by giving up and go to some vocational school instead? People should do things within their limits. Unconsciously, he admired her for her courage, her never wavering determination, her perseverance. He envied her for he never once knew what it felt like to work towards your goal until he found his ambition – to be a doctor. Without his realization, love the emotion he despised most, developed.

By the time he realized it, it was too late. He had fallen.

The moment he proposed to her, he decided not to let her go.

* * *

"Kotoko, still alive?"

"Do you need some physiotherapist session? I would gladly be your nurse in charge."

"See any handsome doctor?"

"How do you feel?"

Kotoko was reading some manga that Mama brought along until she was interrupted by the sudden visit of her friends.

"Motoki! Keita! Marina! Tomoko!" Kotoko exclaimed, surprised. "Why are all of you here?"

"What else, to see how long are you going to slack," Motoki answered coolly.

"How does it feel to be a patient?" Marina piped in.

"Don't get lazy. Though you are not much help, some help is better than none," Keita commented.

"Some fruits from us and our colleagues," Tomoko smiled kindly and put the fruit basket on the table beside the table. "Get well soon."

"You sure don't have much luck," Marina remarked as she took a seat. "Or maybe you are, but in a wrong way."

"So what did the doctor say?" Keita asked, concerned.

"Nothing really serious. If everything is well, I can be discharged the day after tomorrow. Just that walking will be slightly inconvenient for a period of time as I sprain my ankle."

"What exactly happen?" Motoki asked, full of interest. "How did you get shot? Do you remember what the robbers look like?"

"Hey! Shouldn't you be more concerned about my life?" Kotoko complained indignantly.

"Well as we can all see, you are healthy and fine, naturally I ask the next most interesting thing," Motoki explained coolly.

"And you call that a friend," Kotoko grumbled.

The next hour, the room was filled with chatter and laughter as they told her the latest gossip in Tonan University hospital, Nobu latest drama series and Kotoko shared with them about the happenings in the hospital she was staying. However, they could not stay long as the hospital was lacking manpower, especially with two of their staffs on leave.

Before leaving, Motoki said honestly, "Glad to see you are all right. You give us a shock back then when we first heard the news."

"Get well soon," Keita added.

Kotoko almost cry out of happiness by their words but what Marina said later destroyed it all.

"It is quite quiet without you, no more the clink and clanks when you drop something and the scolding of Shimizu Reiko whenever you make unbelievably stupid mistake," Marina said fondly.

"Excuse me!"

Everyone laughed.

"But I heard that Dr. Irie got quite a shock as he left halfway during his consultation," Tomoko spoke.

Motoki piped in. "Yes, he manages to find Dr. Ikeda to substitute his place."

"Serious?" Kotoko gasped.

"Didn't you know?" Tomoko looked at her, confused.

Kotoko shook her head. "Who did you heard it from?"

"If I didn't remember wrongly, should be Mika because she was with Dr. Irie at that time," Motoki replied seconds later.

"Take care, we have to go."

Bye."

* * *

Naoki was in Tonan's University Hospital, such as writing notes so that Dr. Nishigaki, who would be covering his duties during his two days absence, would be able to follow up some patients' case and other duties and close some loops ends.

As he was reading through some reports, one of the doctor who passed by asked, "Hi Naoki, how's Kotoko?"

"She's fine," Naoki answered.

"Send her my regards."

"I will."

Then, when he was doing one final inspection check of his patients, some of the nurses and doctors who passed by would ask about Kotoko's situation and said words such as asking her to take care and get well soon. Everything operating as usual that Kotoko's accident seemed to be just a dream. Naoki wished it was.

It was afternoon when he finished clearing his stuff and ready to go. Hours later when he arrived, he heard some noise and stopped him from going in.

Eavesdropping.

It is something that only his mother and Kotoko do. He never imagines there will be a day he would actually resort to such means. Yet he got the answer to the question he had been pondering since he first learnt of Kotoko's accident.

**...Continued**


	2. His Love

Kotoko was browsing through some fashion magazine Marina brought after taking that tasteless lunch by the hospital. Finally she understood why those patients refused to eat those food prepared by the hospital but desired for outside food. As she was reading, the door opened. Kotoko looked up and saw two unfamiliar faces. "You are?"

"Are you Mrs. Irie?"

Kotoko nodded though bewildered by their sudden visit. "You are?"

"So sorry, I've forgotten to introduce myself. I'm Mrs. Arai and this is my daughter, Shizue. A token of our appreciation," Mrs. Arai said politely and put the fruit basket on the table. "I'm so grateful to you for saving my daughter from the robbery case two days ago. If not for you, I can't imagine what will happen to her," Mrs. Arai explained, her voice filled with gratitude and sincerity.

Kotoko thought back as hard as she could on what happened on that day. She remembered pushing a girl away but did not exactly remember how she looked like as she only saw the back and due to the urgency of the situation, she had no time to take a good look at her. At that time, she only knew she needed to push that little girl away. Then she looked at the little girl, dressed in a pink dress, who was holding her mother hand tightly and glancing at her, slightly afraid. Kotoko smiled tenderly as she reminded her of Kotomi.

"Hello Shizue," Kotoko greeted, smiling warmly at her.

Shizue clutched the hem of her mother's blouse tighter.

"Shizune," her mother said sternly.

"It's all right, she is just shy," Kotoko said, smiling. "I'm glad that your daughter is all right. I can't see a girl in danger and not save her. After all, I have a daughter too, so I can totally understand how you feel."

The two mothers discussed about their daughter, about recipes and also the various method for teaching their child. Kotoko also attempt to talk to the little girl, trying to open her up. Unbeknownst to them, there was a man standing outside, their conversation clearly heard.

* * *

"Irie-kun," Kotoko greeted brightly as usual.

"How are you feeling?" Naoki asked as he read through the report that was hung on the bed.

"Great," She answered cheerily.

Naoki kept quiet, instead he gazed at her deeply. Kotoko fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Is there anything you hide it from me?" Naoki asked coolly.

Kotoko was stunned for a moment by his sudden change of topic and somehow she got the feeling he knew something. But what can it be? Kotoko shook her head, "No."

"Really?" Naoki asked one more time, with a slight hint of warning.

Kotoko gave herself more thought. Could he have known? But how can he know it? Kotoko answer remained the same. Unexpectedly, Naoki leaned forward and kissed her, one arm circling her waist and the other supporting her head. It was different from how it usually is. The kiss was less gentle, a bit forceful and contained some hint of anger, helplessness and fear intertwined together. Kotoko's also had the nagging feeling that it had some elements of punishment for lying to him. Kotoko struggled at first, trying to catch a breath but that only made him hold her tighter. Slowly, she surrendered, letting him do what he wanted if that could make him less angry.

After what felt like an eternity, Naoki released her. Kotoko took a few deep breaths.

"Why are you so stupid? Can't you think about your life first before you do anything?" Naoki finally shouted. "Do you know you could have been shot in the heart and died? Do you even think what happens after you die? Do you ever think about our feelings? You are already an adult, a mother!"

Kotoko paled. "You know? How can that be?" No one knew about it except her and she swore she never told anyone. So how does he do it?

"There's no eternal secret. If you won't want people to know, then don't do it," Naoki answered coldly.

Kotoko lowered her head guiltily. "I can't help it when I see a child in danger," she answered softly but Naoki heard her.

"I've always wonder how do you manage to sprain your leg. The robbers just ran out to escape and I believe the guns are not meant to hurt people, just a weapon to defend so they can escape. So what makes them shoot? And it is common sense to kneel down if there is any gun shooting. Thus, it raises my doubt even further on how can you sprain your ankle? It must be something that made you run in a hurry. If that the case, what is that something?"

Kotoko was startled by his acute analysis but then he was Naoki. Kotoko never doubt there was anything he could not do. If he was not a doctor, he should try police. "Sorry for making you worry," Kotoko muttered ruefully, her head slightly lowered. In the end, she still caused him trouble despite her efforts for trying not to.

Naoki heaved a helpless sigh. Now the energy to continue chiding her had gone. Instead, he turned around and looked out the window at the greenery. Kotoko peeked at his reaction cautiously.

Naoki had long accepted that Kotoko possessed the flair to make him lost control and it only worsened as his feelings towards her change and deepened. He could never stop worrying about her as she never failed to amaze him on her ability to create trouble.

"Irie-kun?" Kotoko called hesitantly.

Naoki turned his head.

"Can we go out for some fresh air?" She enquired nervously.

Naoki nodded. He needed it too.

* * *

Naoki and Kotoko were sitting at the bench, looking at the happenings in front of them. There were people strolling, kids playing at the lawn and some doctors and nurses nearby.

Kotoko breathed deeply and commented, her tone unusually enthusiastic. "How wonderful it is to be outside. The room is so stuffy."

Naoki nodded passively.

Kotoko continued, "It feels so wonderful to breath, to be alive. I can see the trees, the flowers, the animals and the people. I can see anything, everything."

"Irie-kun, look at that eagle," Kotoko pointed to the sky.

"A hawk," Naoki corrected.

"Eh?"

"It's a hawk, not an eagle."

Kotoko smiled sheepishly.

"You should go for lessons with Kotomi," Naoki added critically.

"No! I'm her mother, why must I go study with her," Kotoko retorted hotly.

"Because you need it," was his simple answer.

Kotoko grinned secretly as Naoki finally talked. Suddenly, she hugged Naoki, her arms around his waist her face buried in his chest and muttered, "I'm really sorry for making you worry."

Naoki stiffened, caught unprepared by her sudden action.

"I know you must be extremely worried and afraid. I can imagine how you feel when you received the news. I'm really sorry and I promise you I will be more careful," Kotoko spoke hurriedly, afraid he would push her away. She got so much to tell him and wanted him to hear all of it.

Naoki gently pushed her away so she was face to face with him. Then he raised her chin up slightly, looking into her eyes. There was anxiety, fear, courage and love. She could never really hide her feelings. She was as open as a book.

Kotoko heart skipped a beat at the way Naoki looked at her but she managed to find her voice back. "I know it is my fault that I lied. I just don't wish to cause you more worry as it is, especially when you show me the blood-stained tie. At that time, I wish it has been lost."

Naoki listened attentively.

"But Irie-kun, now I'm alive, I'm fine and I can be discharged soon," Kotoko declared spiritedly. "I can breath, I can see, I can eat and I can speak. Isn't that the most important of all? So stop being angry with me, okay? I promise you I will try to think twice before I do anything," Kotoko said earnestly. He pulled her into his embrace and hugged her tightly, not speaking a word. Action speaks louder than words. Kotoko smiled and hugged him back. She knew he was not angry with her anymore.

For the first time in days, Naoki was truly at ease. He felt assured and comforted. Yes, she is alive and breathing and beside him. He could sense her warmth, her breathing and hear her heartbeat. That was the most important.

Sometimes, Kotoko amazed him, like now. Somehow, she knew just how to make him feel better, not those kind of words of comfort that help externally but from the core. She was clumsy, could not cook, most of the things she done end up in failure, even the simplest thing such as making chocolate could take hours, infuriate him, annoyed him and gave him countless trouble yet without her knowing, she knew just the right kind of support he needs.

During his university years, when his father got an heart attack due to stress, he was ready to give up his ambition to be a doctor and took over his father's company, despite it was a dream he spent years to find. However, there were times you did not have a choice. He did not know why he confided in her, explaining to her his plans as he never had a habit to tell anyone his decision but when it comes to Kotoko, he did too many things he never done. To his surprise, Kotoko hugged him from behind, feeling sad for him. He did not push her away. Amazingly, the simple gesture meant a lot to him at that time. He felt like he could do it and at that time, there was one fastest way to save his father company. He agreed to the matchmaking dinner though in the end, the plan fell through.

Kotoko lifted her head up and called hesitantly, "Irie-kun?" He had been quiet for the last few minutes. Though she loved being in his embrace, she needed to know his reaction. The uncertainty was killing her.

Naoki released her a little, lifted her chin up and then lowered his head, sealing her mouth up with a kiss. This time, it was gentle, persuasive, inducing her to respond and with a passion that only she could ignite. Not long later, Kotoko surrendered to his kiss and responded with equal passion, her arms around him.

Kotoko was breathless by the time Naoki released her. She was gasping for air when Naoki suddenly said, "That will never happen."

She tilted her head sideway in puzzlement. Naoki smiled softly at her expression, not explaining.

If she could think twice before doing anything, he would not have suffered so many heart attacks. Excluding those major ones, he could easily name others. During their honeymoon where she ran out of the room due to some insignificant jealousy and then ended up losing her way back. Then the time when he brought her to visit his maternal grandparents in Kyushu and to gain his grandfather recognition, she took up his challenge to go to the wild to pick up the Akebia but till night, there was still no sign of her back. Worried, especially when she had night blindness, Naoki went out in search for her. There is also the time when Satomi water broke halfway when they were on the road and Kotoko took over her and drove the car without a license. He scolded her, extremely angry for not thinking her actions properly and the danger Satomi, her unborn child and her could be in.

With her around, it became extremely difficult for him to be nonchalant.

* * *

Kotoko was occupied with her television programs while Naoki decided to go to the cafeteria and bought some coffee. Along the way, he sensed those infatuation gazes from the ladies. Naoki continued walking unaffectedly. Since young, ever since he insisted on dressing back to a boy after being mocked by his classmates, he had been receiving such stare from the female gender and it kept on increasing as he grew up.

If Kotoko was here, she would grumble, Naoki thought to himself with a faint smile as he could totally imagine her reaction. Despite their marriage for years and even had a daughter together, Kotoko would still grumble a little whenever he received attention from women, and also during Valentine's day and New Year's Day. She would made comments such as he was already married, he had a daughter etc. However, she no longer became jealous unnecessarily, unlike when they just get married during their honeymoon, she ran out of the room in anger because she did not want him to touch any other woman. He could understand how she felt so insecure and surreal over the situation at that time as after six years of one-sided love, or so she thought, they were actually together and married too.

Actually her worry is unnecessary. If he was easily moved by those women, long before he met her, he would have dated many women, much prettier and smarter than her too. Yes, with his IQ and memory, he could easily remember all those girls in his class but none of them stirred his emotions like her. Kotoko never understood how much influence she had on him.

Naoki had no habit of explaining his actions but he actually explained to Kotoko how he was not really interested to enter Tokyo University when he caught her wanting to leave the house, blaming herself for causing him to miss the entrance exam. He told her of his decision to be a doctor when he was in the midst of preparing for it. Unconsciously, because of her, he did things he never does. He hated how things were out of control but when it comes to Kotoko, nothing was within his control. Even during the time when he did not know why he was angry with Kotoko and he could not help it but behaved coldly towards her until it actually affected his exams. He knew it was one of his worst performance ever and for the first time he had no confident in being top. Because of her, he knew what jealousy felt like and never would he want to experience it again. He hated how his emotions were so easily affected by someone other than himself. He tried to resist at first. Soon he realised it was futile. So he had accepted it and decided to take in stride.

After getting his coffee, outside the ward he heard the all too familiar argument by the two most precious people in his life.

In the room, Kotoko and Konomi were fighting over where the piece for the jigsaw puzzle should be place.

"It's here," Konomi insisted firmly, pointing to the one at the left.

"No, is here," Kotoko said stubbornly too, pointing to the one at the right.

Konomi came after school, accompanied by her grandmother Mrs. Irie. Mama brought along some home-made dishes too, knowing how tasteless hospital food can be and Kotoko thanked her with tears in her eyes.

Kotoko took a bite of the food gratefully. "Mum, you don't know how tasteless the food is. I can't wait to get out of here and eat the food you cook."

As for Naoki, he sat at the chair, reading his newspaper and some medical journal articles peacefully, indifferent to the argument.

This is his family.

* * *

Kotoko was sleeping soundly after a tiring day. After Mama and Konomi returned, Christine came for a visit along with Satomi and they were happily discussing about which doctor is handsome, which is their type etc. Then, her father came over and they went for a walk at the garden, having some father-daughter bonding time. Next it was time for the tasteless dinner and spent the next few hours reading some comic books and magazine.

For Naoki, he went home for some rest and settled some work.

Kotoko was sleeping soundly after a tiring day. After Mama and Kotomi returned, Christine came for a visit along with Satomi and they were happily discussing about which doctor is handsome, which is their type etc. Then, her father came over and they went for a walk at the garden, having some father-daughter bonding time. Next it was time for the tasteless dinner and spent the next few hours reading some comic books and magazine.

For Naoki, he went home with Mama and Kotomi and settled some work such as answering phone calls from the hospital, checked his emails and wrote some reports. After ensuring Kotomi was asleep, he left the house.

Naoki stepped into the ward quietly and watched her sleeping so peacefully and contentedly. Tomorrow she could be discharged. Naoki caressed her cheeks tenderly, feeling her supple, soft skin under his touch. He noticed a comic book in her hand and he smiled, not surprised. It must be she was reading and along the way she fell asleep. Naoki pulled out the comic book gently and put it at the table. Expectedly, it was some shoujo comic book and he did not read to know it must be some guy love the girl and did a lot of stupid thing such as a candlelight dinner, give her some unexpected surprise to make her happy. These books must have given her ideas on how a date is to be and then spending hours thinking, dreaming of a date plan and then expected him to follow along, which he never did as he found it extremely foolish.

"Why do you always make me worry?" Naoki asked as she continued sleeping. When he proposed, he already knew and accepted the fact that he loves her. However when he first waited her for hours at the hotel only to see her stained with blood, he realised how deep his love is. It happened so naturally, unconsciously. And now, when he almost thought he was going to lose her that he realised how afraid he was of losing her. She became such a natural existence to him, as natural as breathing, that he could not imagine how life is without her.

Yes, he is a genius, a doctor yet he is also a human.

He never wants to see a day where the person lying on the bed in the operating theatre, waiting for him to save is her.

"Kotoko, you have to stay by my side forever and grow old together," Naoki whispered as he traced her facial features - first her eyebrow, then her nose, her cheeks and lastly her lips.

"Uh," Kotoko whimpered. Naoki froze for a second, believed she had woken up but she was still sleeping as soundly as before. It must be her dream. Naoki shook his head at his paranoid behaviour.

Naoki eyes fell on her soft, luscious pink lips that seemed to be tempting him to taste it. Giving in, he lowered his head and kissed her lightly on her soft lips, tons of unspoken feelings and love for her contained in this simple kiss.

Naoki never knows how he is going to react if she leaves him.

He was not confident that he could act the way Kotoko's father does.

Not at all.

**-The end-**

**

* * *

**

Yay, another itakiss fic completed. ^_^ You can take it as a continuation of my previous fic or you can read it as another one-shot fic.

Some reflections while writing the fic:

Actually, I did think of ending with Kotoko heard what Naoki say but I decided not to, because I just love the idea of how Kotoko's never know how much he loves her. It will forever be a secret. Hahaa Partly I don't think Kotoko is such a light sleeper that she can sense someone entering and if she heard what he says, her normal reaction would be a smirk and going all giddy. She can't patiently and calmly listen what Naoki says. It is just not like her. So I abolished that idea.

Actually this fic I have started it months ago and stopped for quite some time due to writer's block and I tried to force myself to complete but I'm not happy with it so I decided to stop until I got inspiration. Finally it had come and ta-da, this is the result. =)) Overall, I'm quite happy and it took me quite some time. I refer to my previous fic quite frequently as I don't want too much overlap. I did my best to reduce as much as it is, but there are still some overlap. So you could only bear with it. =PP Hahaa

While writing fanfic, I tried to retain as much orignality as I could while putting some of my observation, my analysis and my ideas in it. In the previous fic, I explore Naoki's love, and in this, I explore his fear and also his love, naturally. One of the scene I like most is Naoki and Kotoko's father, while I was writing of Kotoko's met with a mishap, I was thinking how similiar Kotoko's father and Naoki situation is and believe that he is the best to advice Naoki and understand him most. In the manga, there is a scene where Naoki actually confessed to Kotoko's father that she never knows how much he loves her. *melts* So the more I feel I must pen down Kotoko's father and Naoki. And it is nice exploring Kotoko's father to his wife death, though I not so sure what is the reason, so I never pen it down with too much details, it is up to your own imagination, whether it is accident or weak body etc. From what I remembered, it is reveal that she passed away when Kotoko was young.

Lastly, as I write, I realise that in the manga and anime, though Kotoko always take more initiatives, the one who more open to her feelings and show it through her actions, and seemingly very one-sided, surprisingly Naoki is the one that initiated the kiss most of the time. =)) As we all know, he is more subtle in expressing his emotions. So in this fic, naturally he is the one that initiated it. =))

That's all the blabbering on my thoughts when writing the fics. Next, on a more serious note, I hope you all enjoy reading it. ^_^ Thanks to all those who supported my previous fic and do continue supporting this. =)) I guess I have explore enough of Naoki's feelings and highly doubt there will be another one. Maybe I will try Kotoko's next. It depends. Though there is a second fic, I got to say don't put too mugh hope on a third one. You know, higher hope, higher disappointment. =PP If you don't hope, you might get a surprised instead.

Lastly, I hope you all feel satisfied after reading it. I wish to concentrate on my HNG fic - My Go Pro Father. I intend to complete it. Currently still at writer's block mode. T_T

© Crazebluez

p.s: If anyone wish to share this fic of mine by putting on your website etc (If the fic is that good till it is worth putting on your website), please kindly email me so that I know about it. Thanks.


End file.
